Monday, October 12, 2009

Sometimes It Just Hits Me

It's that time again....

You know the time.

The time when it's time to go through the drawers and put your summer clothes away.

Now don't let me fool you.

It's just the little man's clothes that I do with this.


As you will notice in this photo he is in a long sleeve shirt.
It's cold outside.


Notice the jeans.
It's cold outside.

I was going through his drawers and closet when all of a sudden.....out of nowhere...
like a punch to the stomach....
my chin started quivering.
My eyes started to fill up.
Then it just let loose.
I started to ugly cry.
(for some reason I don't really have an in between cry)
Right there as I was going through his clothes.

I just feel so sad.
It seems like every season that ends and a new one starts it's just more time I can't get back with Bradley.
As I type this I continue to cry.
I can't stop.

For some reason, I miss him.
I know, I know he is still little.
I have tons and tons of time left with him.
It's just that I know how quick time goes by.

I think about the fact that our oldest hasn't lived at home full time for over over 6 years.
Sometimes I miss him so much my heart hurts.
Not a miss that is selfish. I feel like all my kids have a life to live.
I am so very happy for them.
They are all doing so well....
It's just that I miss having them all under the same roof for more than a day or two.
To be honest I don't think I have had ALL of them under the same roof in almost a year.
He's my step-son....imagine how I will feel when it's Bradley.


Then I take this picture and laugh.
He's giving me the whole....
"hurry Mom, I have to get back to Club Penguin"
look.
When I took this he said....."Only one Mom, right???"
OMG I just love Bradley more than I thought my heart could love.

I just want you all to know that I am not fantasizing.
I was ready to to do some serious damage to him at Monkey Joe's for bugging the shit out of me for tokens to play games.

I just want to hold them all close.
Close enough so they can come back to the nest whenever they want.
Close enough for Sunday dinner.
Close enough to come over to watch a game on the couch and to not worry....they are home.
Close enough for them to sigh...to know it will all be OK because they KNOW they are loved endlessly.

Ok, I really have to end this post....I have to stop crying.
sniff**sniff**sniff.

Just as an FYI...I kept Bradley's big summer t-shirts out. That way I can just put a long sleeve shirt underneath it and feel like the season hasn't actually changed. Just a little trick I play on myself every fall.

Am I crazy???
Am I the only one that ugly cries about this??

XOXOXOXO


14 comments:

Anne Marie said...

A bug hug to you.........if it makes you feel any better - to get your mind off of missing him and onto an 'activity' - I am really praying for inspiration and gusto to do a sale this November here on the farm.........it's just such a busy time of year - you know?

i really hope you will come if i do........

southerninspiration said...

s'okay, Maisy, my friend.....we all do that to some degree. Mine turned 18 and 20 last week, and I had a few sad moments, too. I never had an ugly cry...that's still building up I think....but it will come, and I will be sad that time has flown by so fast. They are fabulous children and I am so so proud of them, but they are on their way out to their own world......stopping now; don't have the time right now to sink into the ugly cry....:)

Suzanne

Prancing Pixie Studio said...

No ugly cry for me in a while....just an overhanging melancholy about the whole empty nest thing. It is kinda strange, but in my situatuion, it's like when the kids get launched, I will get launched too....into a whole new and exciting world. Some old things will be left behind and forgotten in the past....if you know what I mean!
I just want to know if it is OK to go to college with your kids?? It sounds kinda fun to me!
Blessings~LillySue
(Holly & I want to go to art school in England)

Sheila R said...

I wish I could share my box of Kleenex with you from miles away! I too cry knowing that my kids are growing up way to fast! It soemtimes comes out of no where and attacks me when I least expect it.

Hugs to you!

Walking on Sunshine... said...

It's okay! We all feel like this! I get a little sentimental also when I see my son growing out of his clothes. Especially when I just purchased those jeans 5 weeks ago!!! Great post! Hope you're doing better with the adjustments!

Tara said...

oh girl, you know how I feel about my punk...I can gush all day...so yes I totally get this and just the other day i packed up his baby bedding, burp cloths and baby blankets to give to another lucky baby boy...I felt sad but I also have so much fun with my son that I look forward to each new day we have together...ok, now I might cry! xoxo

jen said...

I know all about the ugly cry and I totally feel your pain!! It's like I blinked and they were all grown up!! My oldest sons voice just changed and he grew an inch in one month...now he's taller than me and he's only 12. It's totally sad and depressing!!

Hugs to you!!

Jen

Just be happy! said...

you are such a good momma!
I have my little one with me all the time and I still miss him... isn't it weird?
Lucas is teething, sitting up.. I feel like he's growing so fast!
Oh boy... I better stop or I will start crying too.

Sarah said...

I always feel that way when I pull out the clothes from the year before and they are so small...that is when I realize how big my kids are getting! Kaiden is wearing size 7's already and he just turned 6 last month.
I completely agree and know what you are feeling! I envy your relationship with your stepkids! Mine is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. I long for the days we had in the beginning where there was love between us all just simply because!

Lisa said...

He's the baby it will hit harder with him. Enjoy all the times of their lives!
Hugs, Lisa

A.Love said...

well effidy eff...i'm on my . and now i'm all crying too!!! :( i don't like the idea of my boy growing up. i love him more and more but there are things i want to stay the same!!!

Rue said...

Hi Maisy :)

Nope! You're not the only one. I've done it over and over. He's a doll :)

rue

The Flying Bee said...

So, I stopped by this morning and had a dentist apt. and couldn't comment because of course I was running late! Anyway, thanks for coming by my blog...I love this post! I cry at the drop of a hat...and my cry is THE ugliest cry! I feel like this everytime I look at my youngest, now 4...starting school next year! :(

Adrienne

gwengoods said...

I cried when I put away Orla's cream Zebra pants and red turtleneck onesie, from last winter, but I am giving it to a friend.