Sometimes It Just Hits Me

It's that time again....

You know the time.

The time when it's time to go through the drawers and put your summer clothes away.

Now don't let me fool you.

It's just the little man's clothes that I do with this.


As you will notice in this photo he is in a long sleeve shirt.
It's cold outside.

Notice the jeans.
It's cold outside.

I was going through his drawers and closet when all of a sudden.....out of nowhere...
like a punch to the stomach....
my chin started quivering.
My eyes started to fill up.
Then it just let loose.
I started to ugly cry.
(for some reason I don't really have an in between cry)
Right there as I was going through his clothes.

I just feel so sad.
It seems like every season that ends and a new one starts it's just more time I can't get back with Bradley.
As I type this I continue to cry.
I can't stop.

For some reason, I miss him.
I know, I know he is still little.
I have tons and tons of time left with him.
It's just that I know how quick time goes by.

I think about the fact that our oldest hasn't lived at home full time for over over 6 years.
Sometimes I miss him so much my heart hurts.
Not a miss that is selfish. I feel like all my kids have a life to live.
I am so very happy for them.
They are all doing so well....
It's just that I miss having them all under the same roof for more than a day or two.
To be honest I don't think I have had ALL of them under the same roof in almost a year.
He's my step-son....imagine how I will feel when it's Bradley.

Then I take this picture and laugh.
He's giving me the whole....
"hurry Mom, I have to get back to Club Penguin"
look.
When I took this he said....."Only one Mom, right???"
OMG I just love Bradley more than I thought my heart could love.

I just want you all to know that I am not fantasizing.
I was ready to to do some serious damage to him at Monkey Joe's for bugging the shit out of me for tokens to play games.

I just want to hold them all close.
Close enough so they can come back to the nest whenever they want.
Close enough for Sunday dinner.
Close enough to come over to watch a game on the couch and to not worry....they are home.
Close enough for them to sigh...to know it will all be OK because they KNOW they are loved endlessly.

Ok, I really have to end this post....I have to stop crying.
sniff**sniff**sniff.

Just as an FYI...I kept Bradley's big summer t-shirts out. That way I can just put a long sleeve shirt underneath it and feel like the season hasn't actually changed. Just a little trick I play on myself every fall.

Am I crazy???
Am I the only one that ugly cries about this??

XOXOXOXO