Taking the Day Off!

that's right...

i'm taking the day off.

my house is a mess.

i have laundry coming out of my ears.

i have banned my little man from t.v. and video games.
(i'm not even gonna get into that)
soooo.....
there are toys and pokemon cards all over my house.

there are marbles on the hardwood floors.

there are dishes in the sink.

the beds aren't made.

i have stuff to list on etsy all over the kitchen table.

there are shoes scattered on the floors.

the little fish tank needs to be cleaned.

there are empty cereal boxes on the counter.

there are blankets in the family room that need to be folded.

oh, and the pile of mail that i need to go through.

i have furniture to paint.

it will all just have to wait...
i'm taking the day off!!!!


PS....i guess i won't be posting tomorrow......
i will have waaaaay too much to do!

Trying to Chill

I was born and raised in a house of complete chaos.
Not your everyday chaos.
I was not raised by parents that were always in and out of the car driving us around.
We were lucky if they even went to parent teacher conferences. We were lucky if they went to the holiday program.
You certainly did not expect them to show up at your game or tell you to do homework.
Every single member of my family lived for each day.
Every single member of my family lived in crisis mode.

I wonder why my parenting style is soooo different from my parent's style.

Don't they say that sometimes no matter how hard we try we just repeat what we know?

I wonder if the reason I struggle so much with my identity is because I'm trying to live my life just the opposite of my childhood.

One thing I can tell you is that I am damn lucky to have been raised in the totally messed up family I was raised in!!!!!!
We are all survivors.
I learned lessons that others will never learn.

In the end, my mom lived her last 5 years sober.
She was truly a changed woman.
I will love her until my last breath.
She showed me what it truly means to fight for your life.
She showed me strength that I had never personally experienced before or even have seen up until now.

My Dad, ahhhhh my Dad.
Damn, I love that man.
He has completely chilled out as he has gotten older.
He is a great listener.
He gives such sound advice.
He can make me laugh my ass of with just a few words.
He knows a little bit about everything.
I LOVE his curiosity.
He always seems to know when I need his tender heart the most.
(I didn't say always....just when I realllly seem to need it)

I hope that I learn to chill once all my kids are out of the house.
I just can't do it now.....
I have to spend all my time reversing everything I know.
See, that's how I do it.
I say....how did it happen when I was a kid?
Then I just do the complete opposite.

At the end of the day I know I cannot change a damn thing.
In the end I know I can only look forward.
In the end, all's I can do is look back on my childhood and laugh, cry and shake my head.
Through all the shit......I still think I wouldn't have changed a thing.
I like who I am....even if I am pretty wacky.

It's just on some days it's hard to always live my life sooooo consciously.
It's just plain tiring sometimes.

Thanks for letting me ramble.
Thanks for letting me share.
Thanks for letting me be me!

Oh......The Number Game

Do any of you ever think about this??



I feel like everything in this blog world is about numbers.

How many followers you have?

How many comments you get for each post?

How many hits your blog gets a day?

I was going to do a post the other day about the fact that my school district was not going to allow Obama's speech to be played in the classrooms.

I had a whole post about it. I read it to my husband and he said....man, you are going to lose followers for that post!

That got me thinking.....who am I writing for?
Is it to make my readers happy?
Is it for me to express myself?

Does the number of followers really matter?

Does the number of comments really matter?

Does it matter that the reason I don't post as much as I used to is because I have a hard time coming up with cute and fluffy stuff?
( ya know...the light and airy stuff....the stuff I don't know how to embrace in my life)

Does it matter that I am really not a good small talk person?

Does it matter that I am a person who lives my life emotionally?
(I just don't know how to live it any other way...I am open to suggestions)

I just need to find my balance. I want to be able to do the "fun" posts but I also want to do posts about things that are really important to me.
I also want to do that without worrying about the numbers.

Do any of you worry about this?

Cool

Now, I have to preface this with I am not a die hard American Idol Fan.

I watch the audition.
Not because I'm looking to find the next best talent.
I watch because some of them are HILARIOUS!
Now, I do realize that is mean.
But cooooome on.....do some of these people hear or see themselves.
I know we are suppose to love our family members.
I know we are suppose to support our family members.
Isn't support telling them not to go on national tv....they just may embarrass themselves.
Isn't it love to tell them to keep singing away....in the car or shower.
(yes, that's right.....there are times that I am just singing and dancing away while I drive)

So....when they announced that Paula Abdul would not be returning as a judge to American Idol I was not the one that was sad or even giving it a second thought.

I was the one saying..."IS THIS ACTUALLY NATIONAL NEWS?"

Now, when I saw on my Google homepage yesterday that Ellen Degeneres will be replacing Paula, yes I just use her first name...as if I know her personally, I was so excited.

I have got to be one of her top, straight #1 fans.
I love that she can find the funny in everyday situation.
I love that she NEVER swears or uses mean words.
(not sure if you know me but I have the mouth of a truck driver....i'm not exagerating)
I love that her humor is clean and that my kids can watch her.
I love that I can watch her DVD's over and over and over again and laugh as if I have never seen it before.
I love that the things she talks about are the exact same things that happen to me on a DAILY basis.
I love that through all of her pain she has come out the other end even better.
I love that she does what she has to do to heal her heart.
I love that she never gives up.

So with all that being said.....I bet I will now be an American Idol fan.
I sure hope she doesn't let me down.

I really want to be in the AI club.

Ying and Yang

I have been asked by my favorite blogger to lift her heavy burden of providing exciting new content on her blog with regularity. As visitors to this site know, Maisy is all about what's new....what is beautiful ...and what is fun. That is why this guest entry will be so different. You see, I am not new, I'm used. I'm not especially beautiful. And people use a lot of words to describe me, but fun is not usually at the top of the list. So as Maisy's husband and guest blogger, today will be a counterbalance to the usual jumble of stream of consciousness seen in this space. I will tell you a bit about Maisy and me.

Maisy is the ying to my yang. She is the go to my stop. She is the feel to my think. She is the belly laugh to my chuckle. She is the get up and go to my got up and went. She is the fight to my negotiate. She is the let's try something new to my let's keep the status quo.

Now some of you may think this sounds like two polar opposite people...and you would be absolutely spot on. But over the years we have ebbed and flowed and kicked and scratched and somehow come to a place where these uniquely opposite people really came together to balance one another.

Maisy and Bill cheer each other on. They tell each other the way it is. They have each others back...and apparently, they both talk about themselves in the third person!

Now...for those of you who think they have gotten to know Maisy a bit by reading this blog, I will now share with you a secret that only a very few of her closest friends and family know. You will now be an insider. READY...........

MAISY'S TEETH TURN BLUE WHEN SHE DRINKS RED WINE!

Now you know. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Don't tell her I told you.

Today

I had a guest blogger set up for today.
I'm so excited. However, it will have to wait until Monday.
My family is going through some reallllly tough stuff right now.
Please say lots of prayers for my family.
We need it!

Have a great long weekend!!!

Bright Spots

Ya know those days when you just feel off.
Everything feels kind of foggy.
You keep thinking it's because you haven't had your coffee or tea yet.
Then you realize you have had 2 cups already.
You can't really put your finger on it.

Then it becomes annoying because you just drove past the bank you were suppose to stop at.
You go to the grocery store and you forget the item that started the whole trip.
You forget to start the full dryer.
You walk up stairs to grab something. Then you get there and have no idea what brought you up there.
Then you just become totally annoyed and pissed.

The phone rings and you answer it with a big "WHAT?"
That poor person had no idea you were having an "off" day.

It's now 1:00 in the afternoon and you feel like it should be about 5:30.....time for a glass of wine.
You can't have a glass of wine because it's only 1:00.

It's now 4:30 and you realize you never took the meat out of the freezer to defrost for dinner.
UGH!!!!
Bed time just can't come fast enough....and no, not for the kids but for you!

My only advice is to find that bright spot in your home.
Take 10 deep breaths....OK may 50 deep breaths and regroup.
At least attempt to regroup.
Hey....if it doesn't work at least you saw something bright and cheerful.

It's ok...you can be pissed and bitchy for the rest of the night....we all have our moments...
Me...sometimes I have my moments, days and even sometimes a whole week.

Just remember, tomorrow is a whole new day with all new possibilities!

Have a great hump day!!

PS. I have a guest blogger for Friday.....stay tuned!